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I think this more than qualifies as stuff.

How the hell do I come up with this crap? Well, if I figure it out before the men in the white coats do, I'll let you know.

Update - further proof that I'm a wally! Here's how I wrote it up for the Sisters on 12/2/00...

Over on CrowePeople someone proposed that instead of talking about MR, we borrow from the Kevin Spacey list and plan out what we'd show on the Russell Crowe Network. Of course, I immediately set to work.... and since some of them thought it was funny, I thought I'd post it here too. Had to "test" it out first you see... If it had sucked then you guys would have been spared! Here you go...

Thank you for joining us on the RCN. All Russell Crowe, all the time.

5:45am Farm Report with Russell Crowe "Two funnel spiders were sighted by Old Smith's Station last night and we've heard rumors or..."
6:00am News and Traffic with Russell Crowe "Partly cloudy with a chance of showers. Back to you Russell. Thank you Russell. Traffic is really a mess out there this morning"
7:00am Rise and Shine with Russell Crowe featuring Russell Crowe talking about Russell Crowe Today on Rise and Shine, I'll be interviewing myself about my upcoming movie, Proof of Life. Later, I'll be cooking with myself promoting my new book "365 Days of Hot Tea"
8:00am Yoga with Russell Crowe "Umph... today we will... arg... be trying some of ... damnit! the more advanced... OUCH!... positions <thunk>
9:00am All My Cattle staring Russell Crowe

"But.. but... You're DEAD!" "Oh, no. The Russell Crowe you all thought you knew is dead! I'm his evil identical twin, Rusty Crowe! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! I've had amnesia but was cured by the ministrations of the Sisters of Disorder and I've come to claim my birthright!"

10:30am All My Injuries Russell shows us his scars and other interesting body parts (CREDIT TO DEB FOR THIS ONE!)
12:00pm News as Noon with Your Anchors Russell Crowe and Russell Crowe "Our top story today - I was spotted at a coffee shop in Perth last night with an un named brunette. Russell..." "Thank you Russell. In other news, restraining orders have been issued..."
1:00pm

One in a Million at One with everyone's favorite game show host, Russell Crowe!

"On today's show we have a very special contestant directly from the American media! Let's have a big hand for Ted C. Ted is going to be lowered in to this glass box filled with some of the Outback's most dangerous animals. He's armed with only a pen and a pad of paper! Let's see if Ted's acid tongue can keep him alive!"
2:00pm Russell's Rangers staring Russell Crowe as the Red Ranger, Russell Crowe as the Blue Ranger and Russell Crowe as the Puce Ranger! "Rangers! Activate your Russell's Rangers Recon Ribbons and let's clear this area of media scum!"
3:00pm Russell Crowe Today on a very special Russell Crowe, Russell reunites a man with a ham sandwich he hasn't seen in 10 years! Don't miss this heartwarming moment!
4:00pm Crowe's Corner Lively discussions about books and current events
5:00pm World News Tonight with Russell Crowe

"In tonight's segment on the fleecing of my fans we will be discussing eBay. We will be interviewing those bastards who charge $150 for $15 concert t-shirts and the idiots who buy them."

(heh heh. I'm the buyer - bugdog)

6:00pm Local News with Russell Crowe "Our top story today - Ted C managed to win round one against the world nastiest creatures. Tomorrow he faces a box filled with funnel webs and this time we're going to duct tape his mouth shut!"
7:00pm The Russell Roadshow Russell tells you how much that old Russell Crowe junk you found in your grandmother's attic is really worth!
8:00pm Wrestlecrowemania! Russell Crowe vs. The Rock (Russell 3:16)
9:00pm Crowe and Order Russell Crowe stars as an up and coming ADA in this award winning drama about what ADA's would like to be doing.
10:00pm Star Trek: The New Frontier Russell Crowe is Capt. Mackenzie Calhoun - Voted Best Star Trek Captain ever by anyone with a brain in their skulls
11:00pm News at 11 With your favorite anchor team Russell Crowe, Russell Crowe, sports with Russell Crowe and weather with Frank Billingsley
12:00am Politically Incrowerect Hosted by Russell Crowe Tonight's special panel - Russell Crowe, Russell Crowe, Russell Crowe and Iman
1:00am The Red Crowe Diaries Russell Crowe makes women's fantasies come true. Again and again, over and over until they pass out from sheer bliss.
2:00am The Kama Sutra Explained heh heh. It's an intellectual show, I swear!
3:00am Infomercials with Russell Crowe "Tonight only for a very short time, we've got the Rotozip...." heh heh you know you'd buy anything he was hawking on late night TV.
4:00am Conclusion of Broadcast Day Please tune in tomorrow for more All Russell Crowe, All The Time. <Russell Crowe singing the national anthem>

Last updated December 9, 2000

 

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